“Fifty-Somethings” Living and Dying in India

Death by Drowning

Even while living cross-culturally for the first time for “Fifty-Somethings” is quite a difficult task (maybe especially in India, though I don’t know since it’s my only experience), many good things have also surfaced from our long string of trials. Jesus made it clear to me before we embarked on this remarkable adventure that life would be difficult for us in India but He also promised me that He would be here 24/7 and His Grace would always be sufficient. He also assured me that my obedience in coming would be the “fast track” to inner healing from my past. He is keeping His word, as He always does, on all of these accounts.

I am beginning to better understand the truth that God disciplines those He loves and count it a joy to be loved by Him. Through my encounter with this culture, He has been turning me upside down by the ankles and firmly shaking away many of those things that are not a part of His ways and His perspective (like my preconceived cultural notions, over-simplified worldview, host of hasty generalizations, extremely idealistic expectations, and crippling fearful assumptions – just to name a few!). Make no mistake, this process is a very painful one and as I look upside down at the pile of lies lying around my head, I feel naked, vulnerable and quite humbled! I am finding though that by allowing Him to undo me in this way, He can now gently turn me back over and set me firmly on His solid ground and re-clothe me with His Truth. Though the shaking will surely return from time to time, I believe I have just recently begun the journey of being redressed as the daughter of the King.

The first outfit He is giving me is one of the “right size.” Jesus showed me that I have been wearing clothing way too small for me, for way too long, through a recent dream.

In my dream I was at a water park with a young man from my fellowship named Shalem and a precocious 5 year-old girl with blonde curly hair. For some reason Shalem was in charge of watching over this little girl and I found it very irritating that he was not keeping a better eye on her.

I kept telling him, “She’s getting further ahead, you’d better hurry and catch up to her!” He would respond with, “She’s Ok, just let her go – she’ll be fine.” Finally I couldn’t take it any longer and shouted, “She’s out of sight and you don’t know what’s ahead! Go find her!” Shalem just calmly said, “Really, she’s ok and women always worry about these things. Just let her go and have fun.”

We got to the top of the watery stairway and there below us was a steep waterslide into a huge dark blue pool. We went down the slide and to my horror, the little girl was nowhere to be found. Then I woke up. I felt the dream was significant and thought about it for several days after.

Finally, at the close of a time of worship at our fellowship, it seemed Jesus revealed to me the meaning of this dream. I sensed that I was the bold little girl determined to explore what was ahead. I saw in my mind this little blonde laying on top of the water and her slowly and gently submerging into His “Living Water” where she was blissfully and joyfully swimming with Jesus who knew all along she was indeed “OK.” I realized I needed to let go of this little girl of my past and stop “wearing” her little hats and tiny dresses that cramped my thinking and constricted my freedom to grow into the adult He has made me to be. I needed to be free of all her burdensome baggage, her cumbersome wardrobe, that was weighing me down and entangling my progress. He is fitting me now with clothing that is just the right size – not too big so as to have sound judgment, but also not too small so I can think rightly about my value as His child. [this posting by: Janis]